Permissible But Not Beneficial

 Permissible But Not Beneficial

"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but not everything is constructive.  1 Corinthians 10:23

I had one of those perplexing experiences this week as I learned first-hand a little bit more that what is permissible is not necessarily beneficial.  It all started with a pretty strange day.  

Sometimes even the best of days can surprise us with a weird moment.

Sunday morning I joined in with over 40,000  seeking to replace bad cravings with purposeful God cravings and more time with God.  I felt like I was counting the minutes until the beginning of Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study of Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  I was excited to see what God was going to do, and I was very confident that this time it would be different because I was different.

I ate well, I worked out and I read my study.  I joined in Facebook discussions.  Life was going swimmingly.  Personally, Sunday and Monday were going so well, I felt invincible.  I felt victorious!  I was ticking victories off on my hands one by one.  I felt like telling the world to simply slap that big old “S” on my chest because I was feeling like Super Woman!

It was bound to happen.

A little slip…

A little stumble…

A little “Did you really think it was going to be that easy?”

CRUD

Tuesday came. 

Tuesday looked like Sunday and Monday.  I woke early and studied.  I read my devotional.  I read Made to Crave.  I participated online and I even went to the gym when I didn’t want to. 

And my friend, I REALLY didn’t want to.    

See a little itty bitty seed was planted on Tuesday that I didn’t see.   A seed of doubt settled itself into my heart in the sneakiest way possible. 

It had nothing to do with the study.

Pretty sneaky, right?

I am all ready for a big foodie attack and what happens instead is something from a completely different direction.  Worry hidden in a dream.

See I have been picking up cans, pennies,  and saving everything I can in order to go to She Speaks this July or next if that is God’s will.  It is my dream.  I have shared this dream here and with a few people.  One of those people has offered to bless me a little bit to help me get closer to that dream. 

That blessing caused me to freak out over everything:

What if I can’t make enough  money to go?  I didn't want to disappoint my friend.

What if I shouldn’t go?  Maybe this isn’t something God wants for me.

Maybe I am simply not ready and would be going too soon.

You name it, I worried about it.

I worried my way into feeling so spun out that I didn’t want to go to the gym.  I wanted to go home and cry.  Thanks to Christa Hutchins and the Made to Crave post on Tuesday, I did go to the gym even though I didn't want to, but I left still consumed by the what ifs. 

After a great workout, I came home and began to cook dinner.  As I cooked I mindlessly wandered the kitchen and...

ATE

I have to capitalize the ATE because it was crazy.  It was mindless.  It was everything that Lysa described.  There was no method to it at all.  I just kind of zombied my way around the kitchen.

(Oh wait...that wasn't me.  Cute looking book though.  By Michael Salmon.)

First I ate a handful of Cinnamon Life cereal.  A  handful!  Was it tasty? I guess.  I honestly couldn't really say because they were gone before I even thought about it.  All that was left was my bewilderment.  

Next I ate three quinoa and black bean chips.

I then ate a carrot that I dipped over and over again in Greek yogurt.

Finally I ate three cubes of jalapeno jack cheese.

Okay I didn’t like go on a full tilt binge out, but I did simply GO with no purpose into all that food.  I didn’t crave something sweet, I didn’t crave something salty, I simply craved.  And I simply didn’t understand why.  Thankfully after the cheese I just paused. 

Nothing that I ate was really bad for me.  Most of it was even good for me.  The timing itself was not good for me.  Even something permissible isn't beneficial if it isn't at the right time or for the right reasons. 

When I look back now, I can kind of see why I ate like I did.  I was really knocked off my own personal axis by the unexpected.  Something that should be causing me joy instead opened up a can of worry worms, and each one was squiggling out and asking me what I was going to do about it.  Like a little cartoon worm gang complete with worm leather jackets.  They danced around me asking me all the questions that I couldn't answer or maybe wasn't even meant to answer.  What I needed to do, what I should have done was ask God for some clarity.  Ask him for peace.  Even write down all the concerns and share them with him as I wait patiently on him for the answer.  

I can't take back the cereal, the carrot, the Greek yogurt, or the cheese, it is all water under the bridge.  What I can do now is remember what I did then and be more present.  I can make my plan now for the next surprise.  Because if there is one thing I know...life is full of surprises.

Are you making  new discoveries too?