Permissible But Not Beneficial

 Permissible But Not Beneficial

"I have the right to do anything," you say--but not everything is beneficial. "I have the right to do anything"--but not everything is constructive.  1 Corinthians 10:23

I had one of those perplexing experiences this week as I learned first-hand a little bit more that what is permissible is not necessarily beneficial.  It all started with a pretty strange day.  

Sometimes even the best of days can surprise us with a weird moment.

Sunday morning I joined in with over 40,000  seeking to replace bad cravings with purposeful God cravings and more time with God.  I felt like I was counting the minutes until the beginning of Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study of Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst.  I was excited to see what God was going to do, and I was very confident that this time it would be different because I was different.

I ate well, I worked out and I read my study.  I joined in Facebook discussions.  Life was going swimmingly.  Personally, Sunday and Monday were going so well, I felt invincible.  I felt victorious!  I was ticking victories off on my hands one by one.  I felt like telling the world to simply slap that big old “S” on my chest because I was feeling like Super Woman!

It was bound to happen.

A little slip…

A little stumble…

A little “Did you really think it was going to be that easy?”

CRUD

Tuesday came. 

Tuesday looked like Sunday and Monday.  I woke early and studied.  I read my devotional.  I read Made to Crave.  I participated online and I even went to the gym when I didn’t want to. 

And my friend, I REALLY didn’t want to.    

See a little itty bitty seed was planted on Tuesday that I didn’t see.   A seed of doubt settled itself into my heart in the sneakiest way possible. 

It had nothing to do with the study.

Pretty sneaky, right?

I am all ready for a big foodie attack and what happens instead is something from a completely different direction.  Worry hidden in a dream.

See I have been picking up cans, pennies,  and saving everything I can in order to go to She Speaks this July or next if that is God’s will.  It is my dream.  I have shared this dream here and with a few people.  One of those people has offered to bless me a little bit to help me get closer to that dream. 

That blessing caused me to freak out over everything:

What if I can’t make enough  money to go?  I didn't want to disappoint my friend.

What if I shouldn’t go?  Maybe this isn’t something God wants for me.

Maybe I am simply not ready and would be going too soon.

You name it, I worried about it.

I worried my way into feeling so spun out that I didn’t want to go to the gym.  I wanted to go home and cry.  Thanks to Christa Hutchins and the Made to Crave post on Tuesday, I did go to the gym even though I didn't want to, but I left still consumed by the what ifs. 

After a great workout, I came home and began to cook dinner.  As I cooked I mindlessly wandered the kitchen and...

ATE

I have to capitalize the ATE because it was crazy.  It was mindless.  It was everything that Lysa described.  There was no method to it at all.  I just kind of zombied my way around the kitchen.

(Oh wait...that wasn't me.  Cute looking book though.  By Michael Salmon.)

First I ate a handful of Cinnamon Life cereal.  A  handful!  Was it tasty? I guess.  I honestly couldn't really say because they were gone before I even thought about it.  All that was left was my bewilderment.  

Next I ate three quinoa and black bean chips.

I then ate a carrot that I dipped over and over again in Greek yogurt.

Finally I ate three cubes of jalapeno jack cheese.

Okay I didn’t like go on a full tilt binge out, but I did simply GO with no purpose into all that food.  I didn’t crave something sweet, I didn’t crave something salty, I simply craved.  And I simply didn’t understand why.  Thankfully after the cheese I just paused. 

Nothing that I ate was really bad for me.  Most of it was even good for me.  The timing itself was not good for me.  Even something permissible isn't beneficial if it isn't at the right time or for the right reasons. 

When I look back now, I can kind of see why I ate like I did.  I was really knocked off my own personal axis by the unexpected.  Something that should be causing me joy instead opened up a can of worry worms, and each one was squiggling out and asking me what I was going to do about it.  Like a little cartoon worm gang complete with worm leather jackets.  They danced around me asking me all the questions that I couldn't answer or maybe wasn't even meant to answer.  What I needed to do, what I should have done was ask God for some clarity.  Ask him for peace.  Even write down all the concerns and share them with him as I wait patiently on him for the answer.  

I can't take back the cereal, the carrot, the Greek yogurt, or the cheese, it is all water under the bridge.  What I can do now is remember what I did then and be more present.  I can make my plan now for the next surprise.  Because if there is one thing I know...life is full of surprises.

Are you making  new discoveries too?

Made to Crave Week One - EMPOWERED

Today is day one of Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study of "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst, and I am beyond stoked.  

I really do feel like this is going to be different.  I am definitely feeling a difference in myself, and I believe that last week's nightmare in the dressing room was a huge help.  Oh and by nightmare, I mean discovering that I am a lot larger than I had first thought.  I will not be defeated though.  There are a lot of firsts going on here.  One of the biggest is this is the first time I am going to proceed with the full understanding that I am not going to look for immediate results in any of this.  I will probably stumble here and there, but I will continue and continue and continue to get up.  Honestly it isn't just that this time will be different.  This time I WILL BE DIFFERENT.

This week's word is "Empowered."  When I think of the word empowered, I think about mighty strength.  I think about being able to do the impossible.  I think about standing firm even when the waves come rushing in.  I am going to stand firm.  I am going to lean on God more than ever before.

I am going to go to God first rather than slip into going anywhere else.  When times are tough I do turn to God a lot, but I also do that after first looking at myself and getting mad at myself for whatever it is I find myself in.  I will also often see what I can do first even though I know what God can do is best.  Changing that is going to be tough which is why I am so glad to be a part of this study.  It is nice to know that I am not alone in this. 

Our verse for this week's study is from Psalm 84:2  

Psalm 84:2, My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

That is my dream.

I can hardly imagine having those feelings.  Desiring God so much that I feel almost weak.  It isn't that I don't desire God.  I know I do, but I want to actively seek out God more than I seek anything else.  More than anyone else.  I want a God focus more than anything else.  

I don't know how often I will post about this study, but I do plan to fully put myself into it.  I look forward to seeing what God will do.  To measure that, I want to show you honestly where I am.

1 - Overweight (I hate it)
2 - Sad but hopeful.  No one likes to be other than who God has created them to be.  I have lots of great qualities, but my weaknesses and failings cause me to feel incredibly discouraged.  I have no doubt that God will do something amazing, but I am human and still of course am tied to my disappointment in myself.
3 - Tired.  I am tired of being in this point.  Wishing but not enough doing. 

The above are my gathered materials.

1 - My Bible 
2 - Made to Crave Book
3 - My planner (mainly I hope to keep myself on task when I am not home studying)
4 - Made to Crave study journal (I picked this up to go with the connection calls at Proverbs 31 website)
5 - Craving God Devotional

And How Was Your Week?

*I'm a sucker for sunsets.  They make me think of rest. 

This week has been a week of ups and downs.  Ups as I overcame some real lows and downs which basically covers all those lows I had to overcome.  Thanks to God, I did.  But it was rough at times.  Here's the skinny:
1 - Gym steadiness.  I had a renewed vigor about hitting the gym five days a week, and made a real dent in that goal.  I am already at four (I took Wednesday off so I could work on show prep) and I am actually feeling pretty good about it all.  I am very glad to get my circuits done for the week.  Tomorrow will be simple cardio and some weights.  I can handle that.  What I want to get back into is taking advantage of red light therapy.  With winter kicking in, I can use the benefits, but the fact is, once I am done with working out, I just want to go home...


and have a sandwich.


Which brings me to number two

2 - Trigger time.  I have been reading "The Total Money Makeover" by David Ramsey, and one of the things I have gathered so far is I need to look at my triggers and stumbling blocks so I will be aware and prepared when they come up.  This works well both financially and food wise.  So I have taken to writing out things when I start to feel my trigger rear their ugly heads.  Like when I am up late at night.  That is the time where all bets are off and I grab a bowl of chips (better than the bag but not good enough).  This week instead of grabbing the chips.  I wrote in my food journal what I wanted, when I wanted it, and what I was doing at the time.  I looked up the calories and wrote that down too.  I did still end up snacking, but instead it was on a small cube of pepper jack cheese.  This is my new custom.  I am hoping that this kind of food logging will help me make better choices and start to see my own stumbling blocks better.

Stumbling blocks like clothes shopping

3 - Dressing room crisis.  I honestly had no intention of hitting a dressing room any time soon.  I am feeling quite chubly, but I had to go to Goodwill to find a solid colored top because we had photos scheduled for our station.  My boss and actually our photographer prefers us in solid colored tops, and since I don't have one that fits that isn't a t-shirt, I had to invest.  I invested with Goodwill, and frankly I hated every moment of it.  Actually every moment of the dressing room.  While there I discovered that I have gone from everything looking good on me, to some things looking good on me, to some larger sizes looking good on me, to pretty much being inches away from simply bawling because nothing looks good, but some things look the least bad.  I kind of felt like I hit my "rock bottom."  At least on the weight loss level.

The great thing about hitting rock bottoms in anything is, the only thing left is up.
 
4 - More time in God's word.  As rough as parts of this week were, I found real strength when I reached into God's word, my prayer journal and reading the devotional "Jesus Today" by Sarah Young. I do not read it every day, but I read it often.  This week, I had some really tough moments and I actually read one devotional three days in a row.  For some reason I kept forgetting to move the ribbon book mark into a new spot.  Okay...I actually think there was a specific reason why I kept coming upon the same devotional page, I really needed to get that I need to trust God.  Trust that He is working.  

I do.  I am.  

Verse that hit me the most this week:

Jeremiah 30:17
"But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds," declares the LORD, "because you are called and outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.

What I am looking forward to:

Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study begins on Sunday!  I am off my rock excited about it!  This will be my third study, and we will be delving into "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst.  There are lots of women all over the world signed up.  I believe the last count was over 36,000!  You can learn more by heading over to their site here.  

How was your week?

2014 - SURRENDER

*Pretty flowers from my husband.  A great way to start a new year.

For most of my years, I have been a New Year's resolution FLOP.

Failing in what I wanted to do.
Losing my grip because I couldn't last past February for most resolutions.
Overlooking the good things I did do.
Praying for a better way to face a new year.

Then last year I learned about using one word to focus on for your New Year.  I was intrigued with changing my focus from ME and my laundry list of failings and needs to change to one word that I could use to focus on all of my year.  I chose the word REACH. 

With the word REACH in mind I worked with other volunteers at HopeFest in Phoenix helping provide for very basic needs for people in Arizona.  The event was held in Phoenix at Chase Field.  People received food, dental work, eye exams, medical exams, car seats, lunch (that was our main duty wrapping hot dogs and providing food for all the guests receiving service), clothing, counseling help, and so much more.  It was an amazing opportunity to see God at work through His people. 

I used the word REACH to look into my own life and see that I needed some healing.  I had a long history of pain on my shoulders.  Over seven years ago, I forgave so many for the things that happened in my life, but I never forgave...me.

I used the word REACH to hold my arms out to my Abba Father and ask Him to love me as His daughter.  Something I have always been afraid to do because of my own father issues.

REACH was there reminding me to share my heart with a good friend when I was going through a really tough time at work.

REACH is what I did when I decided to sign up for Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies so I could make a real change in my life and "Say Yes To God."

REACH kept me going through another study so I could gain "A Confident Heart."

REACH was my start my grasp toward something better.

Picking one word, changed my perspective on facing the new year.  Last year was good, but this year is going to be better.

My word for 2014 is SURRENDER.

To keep this quick, here is where I stand on that right now.

I am surrendering my will to His will.  I will make plans with God in mind.  I know that He has blessed me with gifts, but my own fears have kept me from remotely investing in them.  My doubts kept me constantly saying "I can't" rather than remembering that "He can" and above all "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13). 

I surrender to waiting for God to bring all the things He wants me to do to me, and instead move towards what I believe He wants and accepting whatever happens when I make those first steps.

With surrender in mind I will give my thoughts to God.  I will not think  negative thoughts about myself.  I will think God thoughts for myself.  I will also ask the Lord to help me think good thoughts toward others and ask how I can best serve Him by loving them (Luke 6:27-28) "But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

I will also surrender my weaknesses to Him.  Especially when it comes to food and exercise.  There was a time when I was fit.  I want to go back to those times.  Not because I want my outside to look good, but because through this I can better serve the Lord.  I want to be a shining example of what God can do.  A big part of this will be taking part of the next Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Studies "Made To Crave."

Because music has always been a big part of my life and because I work in Christian radio, I decided to find a song that I will make MY SONG to hold me to my focus this year. That song is "We Won't Be Shaken" by Building 429.  I believe part of my SURRENDER is going to be holding onto that reminder that no matter what, I will not be shaken.  

Here's the second verse which really moves me...well it all does really:

You know my every longing
You've heard my every prayer
You've held me in my weakness
Cause You are always there
So I'll stand in full surrender
It's Your way and not my own
My mind is set on nothing less
Than You and You alone
I will not be moved oh 



 

2014 - Breaking Down My Goals - Weight/Fitness

Another goal for 2014 is to get a handle on weight and fitness.  This week I began working with "The Never Say Diet Personal Fitness Trainer" to go along with my reading of "Never Say Diet" both by Chantel Hobbs. 

So here is a bite-sized look at the upcoming four weeks (including this one):

1- Go to the gym five days a week and do 30 minutes of cardio each day and three days of circuit training (I belong to Planet Fitness and they have a nice 30 minute circuit section for this).

2- Do not diet.  Just be sure to eat breakfast each day.  Don't worry.  I will be worrying about food intake later.  Too often I have tried to do it all at once and failed miserably.  This time I am going to focus on one thing at a time.  Consistency in working out and not skipping meals is my first step.

3- Starting January 14th -  Begin Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Study with "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst.  I have already downloaded the book to my Kindle (I have the book floating around the house somewhere), I picked up a "Craving God" devotional (only $5 right now) at Family Christian Store, and last night I ordered the Made To Crave Journal and Conference Call Bundle.  It is an investment, but worth it for me (and I did save quite a bit on the devotional).  I have participated in the conference call portions of all the studies that I have been in, and it has been invaluable for me.  I need all the extra support and motivation I can get. 

4- Measure myself.  BLECH.  This is all a part of my goals.  As much as I want to look at the scale constantly, I know that it will depress me.  So I have promised to weigh in once a week and measure as well.  The Never Say Diet Personal Fitness  Trainer has a place for all of that so I am using it to keep  me honest.  :)

How are you working on your goals?  Are you breaking them down?  Do you have any fitness goals for this year?  Any suggestions for how to stay committed?