This Week's Thoughts on My First Week of Saying Yes To God

On Sunday, I began my journey through a new Bible study, specifically an online Bible study with Proverbs 31 Ministries' Melissa Taylor, Nicki Koziarz and over 20,000 women world wide.  Together we are going through Lysa TerKeurst's book "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God."  

I thought it would be nice to share as I go how things are going along.  

As I was driving into work on Thursday morning, I thought about all the women out there who are doing their daily activities. For me this is pretty significant because sometimes I can get wrapped up in my own little world and I don't think much farther than what is directly in front of me.  This particular morning, I became strongly aware that there were many women out there just like me who have started this study.  They want to say yes to God in a big way (not that what they are saying yes to is always going to be big but the desire is strong so much so they are reading a book to help get them there).  They are all living their lives and each has a different opportunity to say yes and be used by the creator of this universe for something He has simply set for them to do.  Even though there are thousands of us taking this study, each woman has a special purpose that God wants for her to do and has uniquely designed her for.  That is a big thought.

For now though I just thought of the wives, moms, sisters, and daughters out there doing their thing.  Getting the kids ready for school, or enjoying some vacation time with the family, heading off to work or already knee deep in an important project.  Each woman is taking care of life here and thinking of the eternal as well.  It is a heady thought for my morning brain.  I took a moment and prayed that God would bless each woman and the leadership of this study.  If anyone was like me, they had probable discovered some snags in their plan. 

Snags?  Yep.  I had some snags.  
1- Nothing went according to plan.
2- My mind became consumed with...well, EVERYTHING
3- ATTACK!

ONE -
First of all, I had a goal and a commitment that I had set.  I committed myself to an hour in the morning with my Lord.  An hour that can be focused entirely on prayer and study.  It worked great on day one.  Day two...DISASTER.  The two alarms that I set did not go off.  I wrote about that here:  And Then Nothing Went According To Plan.  There is nothing more humbling than having nothing work out the way you had hoped right after you made a public goal.  To say that Tuesday was a horrible day would be an understatement.  BUT Wednesday rolled around and I began again.  I could have given up on my commitment quite easily as it didn't work out so quickly (and my sleep loving side would have been all for it), but I asked God for his help.  I set two more alarms and when they went off, I stumbled along and asked God for strength.  He is so faithful.

TWO & THREE
It is funny how when you want to say yes to God, you often have to say no to yourself.  This is what I had to do in several ways.  
1- To God - "Yes, I am going to spend time with you God." 
To me - "No Kelly, you cannot sleep in."  
2- To God - "Yes I am going to listen to your voice God and your leading Jesus." 
To me -"No Kelly, you are not going to continue to dwell on what hurt you today."  
"I'm sorry Kelly, but didn't I just say that we weren't going to continue to think about this?"  "Ummm, Kelly...shut up with that already."  
"Kelly, I know life is not always fair, but it appears even more unfair when you keep letting that hurt you.  Kelly, give it to God."  
---Yeah that was Thursday and a little bit Friday.  I had to tell myself no A LOT!

If I am going to focus on saying yes to God, I have to remind my own mind to stop picking on myself over things that I cannot control.  I have to give them to God.  I had a lot of painful moments this week and they were real and true pain.  I wasn't hosting a pity party for nothing.  The events were real, but they were events beyond my control and they were pulling me from my focus on God.  God doesn't want me to not feel the pain that I am going through.  He also doesn't want my pain to keep me from Him.  I had to learn to let myself feel and then tell myself that it was time to lift my palms up and give it to God so He could fill me with better things.

In the long run, this week has confirmed to me what Lysa says in her book on page 13 "You don't need perfect circumstances to be a woman who says yes to God.  You don't need the perfect religious attitude or all the answers to religious questions.  You simply have to surrender all that's clamoring for attention in your heart with the answer God is longing to hear spill from your lips, "Yes God."

Let's just say that many times I have felt that as imperfect as I am, I simply could not be used by God.  God will teach me.  God will guide me.  God will direct my paths.  I just need to say "yes."  To remind me to look at God and not at what my mind likes to throw out there, I have been playing this new song from Mandisa "Overcomer" A LOT. 



Mandisa - Overcomer (Official Lyric Video) from mandisa on GodTube.

And Then Nothing Went According to Plan

*I took this photo this weekend when my husband and I went hiking.
 
"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him."
Psalm 62:5 NLT

Have you ever had a day where the best laid plans seem to just scatter on the floor in front of you.  You had a goal, you had a dream, you had a plan for the day, but something just kept popping up and wrecking it?

That was my day yesterday, and I hate to admit it, but I don't believe I handled much of it well.

First my alarm went off.  I was a little drowsy and saw my husband start to get up.  I figured he must want to hit the restroom before I hit the shower.  So I asked him.  He responded in a muffled tone.  Muffled because I still had my earplugs in (my husband is a snorer and I can't sleep through the noise).  I pulled out my earplugs and asked him again. 

"Are you going to use the bathroom before I take a shower?"

"You mean you haven't taken a shower?"  He replied.

"Not yet.  My alarm just went off."

"That was my alarm.  Your alarm must not have gone off."  

CRUD!  My alarm didn't go off?  I set two alarms!  One for 5:30 am and one for 5:35 am just in case.  I was supposed to spend my morning with God!  Why is this happening?  It isn't fair!  This was not in my plan!  It is all ruined!  I made a goal to spend time with God every morning, and I have already screwed up.  Yes...these and other thoughts flew through my mind in rapid succession.  It all pretty much rolled downhill from there.

I showered, got ready for work, and pretty much felt rushed through the entire morning.

I did have a nice start to my work day.  I received a call from a gentleman who wanted to share his gratitude for our radio station's ministry and he also had a prayer request.  All in all though, things just seemed a little off most of the day.  I was rushed more.  I was a bit cranky.  Nothing really seemed to go my way.  I broke in the day to pray for others, but I really needed to also break in the day and spend some time with God by myself.  The time in the car wasn't enough. 

Later my son and I had to go to his school to speak with a counselor.  On the road, cars were driving at a snail's pace.  I couldn't see through the car in front of me, because their windows were so darkly tinted.  I didn't know what was up in the road ahead and it just caused more annoyance.  

We reached the school with five minutes to spare and felt good.  Until we found out the counselor was running late.  At first it was no major deal.  We were early.  Thirty minutes later, it was a very big deal, and I was extremely annoyed.  Though I have the courtesy to not take it out on the counselor.  These things do happen after all.

I was so emotionally drained by the end of the day that I could hardly stand it.  I fell asleep in an unprepared nap an hour before bedtime which set me up for a huge night of tossing and turning as a conflict from the day kept rearing its ugly head.  I set the clock again when I woke up (double time again), and prayed that in the morning it would work out.

This morning, I woke up five minutes before the alarm (not to mention every hour on the hour in between).  As much as I really wanted to shower and climb back into bed, I remembered clearly the bad day I had yesterday (and trust me there were lots more bad moments that I didn't share) and immediately got up so I could pray and spend time with God.  

So far already things are already going MUCH better.  

I think that there were times in my day when I could have probably turned things around by prayer.  And I imagine with the pile of things that did happen, I would have had plenty of times to need to do that again and again.  But I also think that God allowed me to see how important my time with Him really is for me.